pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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