So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
