omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
