Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
