my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
