you would pick up someone in the library
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
