I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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