Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
