shes about as inviting as chlamydia
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
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