um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
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Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
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I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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