im about as happy as oj after his trial
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
