Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
