I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
