i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
