I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
