if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Sorry about my life...
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
