so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
