This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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