im about as happy as oj after his trial
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Randomize
