I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
