There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
