hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
