Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
