Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
