Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
