Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
