And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
