Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
