We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
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I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
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Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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