I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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