the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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