I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
