I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
