I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Just pee around me
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Randomize
