he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
