After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
