The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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