just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
