In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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