Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
