Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
