I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
