Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
