There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
