So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
