This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Randomize
