words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
