I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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