Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
