when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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