then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
