wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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