I want to have your abortion
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize