I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
