i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
