I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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