Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
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She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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