Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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