These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
