Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I came so hard my ears popped.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
