Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Randomize
