Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
