Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize