I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
