from now on my penis is your penis
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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