thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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