That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
