If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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